Tuesday, February 14, 2017

When a Relationship Breaks

It is excruciating to go through a  breakup in any relationship,especially when you are at the receiving end.The pain scorches you to the core.A part of you whisks away with the one who broke up with you.It could be anyone-a romantic partner,spouse,parent,offspring or a sibling.

Actually the atmosphere today is not conducive for stability and continuity.Everybody is on the go.We are not satisfied with what we have,and aspire for more in every sphere-whether it be relationships or lifestyle.No harm in striving for a better life,but in our quest for whatever it is we are running after,we sometimes even ditch what is an integral part of our lives; what has depth,true meaning,and is good for us.

The tragedy is,that such instances are becoming more and more common.We are exposed to countless stimuli every day,and those who have little self control are easily swayed.That is why there are rising instances of adultery and divorce today,not to talk of breakups in relationships.Such parting of ways inflicts a grievous injury on the one who is left behind.

What can you possibly do if you are at the receiving end?Very little to bring that person back.Because he is scurrying after that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.While he is pursuing his goal headlong it will be difficult to divert his attention.He may return if he realizes the futility of his chase,or he may keep his distance if he is too shamefaced to confront you again.Time will tell.

What you can do is,find a way to soothe your hurt and put your house in order once again.To start with,have a good cry.Admit to yourself that this was a severe blow.Don't sweep your emotions under the carpet.Grieving is in order.

But for how long?Set your own limit and then tie up the loose ends.Think back-did you give this relationship the best you could,or more importantly,what could morally have been expected of you?If yes,then trash the remorse and the guilt pangs.

If however,you were at fault,then you could maybe attempt a patch-up.If this is not in your cards then treat it as a learning lesson,a springboard from which to leap into a new era.You know now,how to avert a breakup.An honest appraisal will protect you from making the same mistake twice and breaking your heart once again.

As any association or era recedes into the past,it is the pleasant memories which cause maximum grief.But was this bond all good without any jarring episodes?There must have been unpleasant confrontations too.Desist from viewing the past through rose-tinted glasses.Things came to a head because of a lack of compatibility or divergent values,motives or goals.The continuance of this relationship might not have been so hunky-dory after all.

Relationship breakups are rife in those who are on the threshold of adulthood.The prevailing milieu is very challenging for them.They have a tough time picking their way through a jungle of attractions and distractions,and often end up aping their peer group or their role models.In the proccess,they sometimes discard the core for the chaff.

Certain things in life are destined to happen.We cannot control everything.Except how far or how deep we allow anything to affect us.That is very much in our hands.It helps to remember that while relationships make us happy,give support,help us to forget painful instances and relieve the drudgery of monotonous routines;they also impose restraints, bestow responsibilities,and demand explanations.When a relationship breaks the advantages fly out of the window,as do the curbs and restrictions.So now you can be more your own self,do things you enjoy and spend your day as you like without having to listen to grumbling,irritating or disapproving noises in the background.Make the most of it!

Image courtesy google 

16 comments :

  1. another positive post from you Induji

    yes no use crying over spilt milk --either mopit up or let it dry itself ---in both cases you are the one to be benefited .
    though if one wants to continue in this relationship them ignoring it would be the best reaction

    Seeing you after long --not that I have been very regular either :)
    warm regards
    rajni

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  2. Hi Rajni,happy to see you after so long.Thanks for giving your view.
    Love n hugs

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  3. Though various reasons can be found out but sometime at the end you have to admit...it was destiny.
    Very nicely written, logical and deep.

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    1. Thank you Jyotirmoy,you are very kind.

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  4. Today we are following west, where girls and boys get friendly..see the waters and if they find it good , they marry otherwise they go their own way..most of the time first time one never gets a life partner. and they take it in their stride. Now here we want that freedom to have relationships, but we are not habitual of breakups which are normal.We always want to take selected things from any culture, but life and everything a package you get.

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    1. You have hit it on the head Renu,see how breakups are followed by acid attacks and murders.The first person a teenager,or older person latches on is expected to respond positively.

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  5. in every family there must be a person who brings people together.relationships involves teamwork ,when people don't believe in teamwork,wisest of family has to take responsibility to keep people together by giving up ego and by being selfless.if everyone lives to satisfy their ego,families will remain bits n pieces.

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    1. Prasad babu as perceived by you,this post was not only about the GF-BF breakups.Today teenagers or youth in many families find any kind of discipline or the laying down of boundaries unacceptable.Estrangement follows.
      Your counsel is worth following.The wisest member of the family should take the initiative,but what if the next generation refuses to give an inch?

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    2. yes people don't give an inch initially,they will leave you and suffer and again will come back to you.you should always take the initiative to bring people together,you should also be harsh to them when they are hostile to say that LAW OF NATURE HAUNTS ONE'S ACTIONS and they should be able to face consequences for their actions.people will learn the value of being together with time.you should be there all the time to unite people.i wrote cuz i did with my family,being youngest member i did that cuz a happy family gives more happiness than being alone with billion dollars.i always found my happiness in my family members happiness.one must be expert in understanding people if you want to do that,but again if you can't understand your own family members ,how can you call yourself member of a family.you need not be expert to understand people,one can understand people only when you like/love someone wholeheartedly. today my family is most happiest cuz i was there all the time,i did not allow it to become bits n pieces.

      one should know how laws of nature works to deal with people.to know laws of nature,one should live in the path of dharma. ok i did not write all this by reading some scriptures,i wrote from my experiences.from my childhood i believe that answers/solutions are not found in scripture/books but within when you lead morally right life.

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  6. I agree with all you say prasad.You united your family despite being the youngest--this is really commendable.Mostly this function is left to the elders.
    I wish more and more people read your vies and act on them.Why not write a post about it?

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  7. hmm every family is different and carries ancestral baggage of different magnitude of morality and we live in a world where everything is ready-made and life is crash course like ,self-learning is the only way you can remember lessons forever and to pass on those lessons to next generation like my ancestors did.many many decades back there were no courts to deliver justice,people used to assemble in a panchayat and they gave authority of judgement to a family who lives by morals and ethics without showing partiality.all my ancestors did this job without being influenced by unethical practices in society.they are not like contemporary khap panchayats or any panchayats where higher caste people has a say.they gave role of panchayat leader to even a backward class if his family is of great integrity.so ancestors n parenting plays major role in shaping families and individuals.

    myself writing a post on it will be superficial to others cuz all of a sudden a family or person can't become ideal or get that integrity which has to be developed over years of time from childhood.

    one should not have ego while working for greater good and one should be proud and should have super ego after being successful.super ego will only makes you to achieve greater things and keeps you motivated.a person who knows where he/she should have ego and where he/she should not have ego will be formidable.

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  8. sometimes break ups esp if sudden hit really hard...

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