Well! Well !I know what the skeptics are thinking. With the numbers of divorce going up every day , what guarantee is there that the family will be around when one really needs it ? None, if we go on in this manner! Now is the time to pause & take stock. Why do couples divorce ? Because they don't see eye to eye. In order to avoid such a situation the problem needs to be tackled from two angles--first that mismatched couples do not marry & second that they try to adjust & adapt.
PREMARITAL COUNSELING helps to determine that your spouse to be is on the same wave-length as you are. If you overlook the initial attraction & consider the various aspects of your personalities which might generate friction when intimacy deepens;it would be best to reconsider your decision.Make a wise choice rather than a rash one.
MARRIAGE COUNSELING helps to iron out the differences that crop up after marriage.It aims to save the marriage & helps the couple to live a harmonious life together.
PREMARITAL COUNSELING---This is one service which a couple who wants to tie the knot must make use of. It will help to clarify what stand they both have on a host of issues that will mean much in their married life. In case they hold divergent views which could lead to irreconcilable differences later on, it would be better to call off the event altogether. Some of the issues that need to be sorted out are--
(A)Suppose they are employed in different cities who,if any,will give up his/ her job to be together?
(B) Does either of the two have any sexual anomaly or kink which could annoy the other ?
(C)Are they medically clean & compatible (in terms of HIV or Rh factor)?
(D) Do both want kids? How many & after how long? Suppose if one of them is infertile then what will be their course of action?
(E)In case they are from different religions whose religion & culture they & their kids will follow? Whose values will be promoted?
(F) Will they take joint decisions on matters which impact them as a family?
(G)Do their meetings during courtship suffuse them with a sense of pleasure &well-being or do they mostly end up fighting?
Despite best precautions, when two individuals live together day in & day out ;minor irritations & disillusions are quite likely.It is just not possible that when two people from different families & backgrounds live together , their habits & perceptions should match perfectly.Till now they used to see each other in their best attire & on their best behaviors. But this changes after marriage.
One of them may realize that the other is too slovenly or has no talent for order &neatness. Therefore there are bound to be some grudges. While both of them ought to make adjustments to conform to societal norms & their partner's predilections; none should attempt a complete makeover of the other person. This can lead to resentment & hostility.It is equally important to accept the fact that your spouse is a human being & has infirmities just as you have. Broaden your outlook where minor irritants are concerned. Remember when you point a finger at him/her three are pointing towards you. If both of you are committed to each other, by & by you will be able to modify the habit which irritates the other person. This is mutual give & take. Even when certain grave shortcomings or social lapses need to be corrected handle the issue with velvet gloves. Remember it is not a matter of being superior or inferior-just being different.
Despite best efforts things sometimes go wrong. At such occasions avoid the blame game. Never say "It is your fault ","You should not have done this ". It would be more productive to put your heads together &find a solution.
Whenever a major decision needs to be taken consult your spouse. Discord is born when one person tries to impose his/her decision on the other .
To a certain extent tiffs between husband & wife are normal & they even help to clear the air-provided communication channels do not clog down. They should always be kept open. It is best to say your grievance in an even tone rather than screaming & banging doors. Talk it through &listen to each other.
Do not let ego problems come between you. Make amends if you have been wrong.
Stick to the problem at hand & thrash out a mutually acceptable solution. Never bring up old complaints like "You always do this ". Just tell him/her what is hurting you at the moment.It is much more fruitful to bring up issues which are pestering you ,rather than allowing them to fester inside,& give rise to more angst.But it is equally important to listen to the other person with an open mind, & not as a mere formality; waiting all the while to pounce at him/her as soon as s/he is finished.
View the matter from the other person's angle too.Consider how it must be hurting him/her.Any issue,no matter how serious it is ,can be sorted amicably,provided both retain control over their anger & emotions.When thus brought to a mutually acceptable solution,the problem is relegated to the past.It will stop rankling their minds & strengthen their relationship.
If one partner is in a foul temper it would be best if the other removes him/her-self from the scene. Let tempers cool down at both ends .Start a discussion when both of you are in receptive moods.You may let out your angst if you vocalize your feelings when things are hot, but this is sure to worsen the situation. If you want to preserve your relationship don't do it.
Remember a successful marriage is built up on the foundation of mutual respect,trust,acceptance,adaptation,devotion & loyalty. It is better to improve, reinvent & rediscover the joys of your marriage when you are having doubts about it. Because a perfect marriage where you get everything tailor-made is very rare.No matter how many partners you change,patience,tolerance & adjustment shall always be required.Therefore instead of suffering the heart-break of a break-up,try to mend the relationship at hand.After all you did see many positive qualities in your partner when you first got together;try to focus upon them & encourage him/her to bring them up once again.
A very potent reason of break-ups is adultery.This is one lapse which partners find it difficult to forgive & forget.Even watching porn on the net is unacceptable to some.If you exercise self-control,the dividends will be manifold.
Actually any relationship gets a bit stale with time.If this is bothering you, then think up ways to introduce some newness in it from time to time.This will give a new lease of life to your relationship.Don't let inhibition deter you.It is in your hands to strengthen your relationship & live happily ever after.