Tuesday, March 3, 2015

To My Grown Up Son

My hands were busy through the day,
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to
I didn't have much time for you.

I'd wash your clothes;I'd sew and cook
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me please,to share your fun,
I'd say,"A little later,son."

I'd tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers,turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door,
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

For life is short,and years rush past,
A little boy grows up so fast,
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,
There are no children's games to play,
No goodnight kiss,no prayers to hear,
That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands once busy,now lie still,
The days are long and hard to fill,
I wish I might go back and do,
The little things you asked me to.

By Alice E.Chase.

Friday, February 27, 2015

A Dreary Life-All Facts no Fiction.

Why are some people forced to lead wretched lives?Is it destiny?Or is it because of some wrong choices made by them?Is it because of a skewed up upbringing or is it because of defective genes?When we see a grown up man frittering away his youth we tend to put the onus on him but life is not so clear cut.Many factors join together to make a person what he is.

The life of Narayan,a young man of 41 years planted these thoughts in my mind.He was the eldest of three sons.His grandfather had been an SP.His father's elder brother had shot his own brother.His maternal uncle was a schizophrenic,as was Narayan's younger brother.The latter had been very sick and violent for 10 years after which he was given Electroconvulsive therapy.He improved after this and had been well since the last three years.

His father,a government employee,was an alcoholic.He mostly lived at his postings-away from the family and giving subsistence money to the family was for him,the end of his familial obligations.He dominated everybody,had no social life,and was fond of hunting.Once when Narayan was not even ten years old,his father handed him a gun and asked him to shoot.The gun exploded and the father was hurt.

These are some of the facts which Narayan disclosed to me on his very first sitting.I guess he wanted to ease the burden on his heart.To cut a long story short,this was the environment in which Narayan grew up.

At the age of eighteen years he went to join Indian Navy but he could not adjust to the tough regime and returned home.Moreover he aspired for a better occupation than that.He tried many options after this.First he did a two year degree course in MSW but could not get a job.Then he joined a private firm.He was happy there but that firm closed down.After this he worked for a relative but left this job because it demoralized him.Next,he opened a shop in his ancestral home.This too proved to be a flop.

It is no wonder that his main complaint upon coming to me was his sense of failure.He was depressed.He had a wife and son but could not support his family.There was no motivation.He always hankered for something which was out of his grasp.His biggest regret was that he left Indian Navy.

The one silver lining in this somber life-scape was his wife.She earned a meager income as a teacher but her unwavering support saw him through all his tribulations.

I gave him the necessary advice and asked him to come after fifteen days.He did not come.

After four months i followed up.His wife took the call.She told me that he was well now.He did not take any medicine.His wife's encouragement and his talk with me had helped him stabilize.

Now that you have all the facts,i leave it up to you to judge which factors were responsible for screwing up his life so terribly.Do post your answers.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Are You Always #Anxious ?

It is natural to be anxious when you have a tough task staring you in the face,when a huge life change is imminent,when the work-load on your shoulders is heavy, or when you or a dear one is diagnosed with a chronic disease.Yes all such and many other situations generate anxiety, but these difficulties do not confront us everyday.Yet there are some persons who are anxious every day,most of the time.Nervy and worried,they are fearful that something bad will happen to disrupt the tenor of their life.The extent and degree of their anxiety is not at all in consonance with external factors.They imagine the worst possible scenarios at the slightest pretext.Or they feel something is wrong but cannot pinpoint what.This is known as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD ) or free floating anxiety.

Let me share Rohit's case with you.He was eighteen years old and studying in a college.Good in studies, but very unhappy.He had a girl friend Rupa, but he was always afraid that a smarter boy would whisk her away.He also had issues about his looks-that his hair was thinning and who would give him a second glance if he went bald.He was not happy with his height or complexion either.I delved into his past and came to know that since his parents lived in a village,he had been sent to his uncle's home in a city to be educated.His uncle derided and reprimanded him no matter what he did.He was compared unfavorably with his cousins.As a result a feeling of inferiority lodged itself in his mind.It obstructed him from appreciating and enjoying the good things in his life.He was neither happy with his present,nor hopeful of his future.
Or take the case of Rita.She was starved of love,care and attention as a child.She strove to do well,be a model child;but it was never enough to extract a loving word or appreciation from her parents.However her diligence opened up excellent career opportunities for her and she married a loving boy.You would think that she was happy now, but this was not the case.She had a niggling feeling that her husband would break off with her and she would be left all alone.She could not believe her good luck would last.Result?
GAD or free floating anxiety .
  1. GAD can also have a number of physical symptoms, including:
    • dizziness.
    • tiredness.
    • a noticeably strong, fast or irregular heartbeat (palpitations)
    • muscle aches and tension.
    • trembling or shaking.
    • dry mouth.
    • excessive sweating.
    • shortness of breath.
  2. Generalised anxiety disorder in adults - Symptoms - NHS ...

Causes of GAD
Neurotransmitters--An imbalance in neurotransmitters can cause anxiety;but anxiety itself can also cause this imbalance.
Life experiences like childhood emotional abuse,rape,divorce,early loss of dear persons or some other trauma.
Family history--Whether a repetition of anxiety disorder in families is because of genes or a mere emulation of the behavior pattern of a close relative is not clear;but it has been seen that anxiety disorders can run in families.
Substance abuse and the effect of certain medicines can also cause free floating anxiety.
Long term stress can also result in excessive anxiety.

Anxiety arising from specific triggers is easier to control because the cause can be identified and addressed.A perennial state of despondence is harder to jettison because very often the patient does not even realize that she has this condition and it should be rectified.She may accept it as just being her nature and not an ailment.

Sometimes if anxiety is manifested in the form of only one physical symptom,and not many as shown above;it may be viewed only as a physical illness --thereby delaying treatment.

As far as treatment is concerned cognitive behavior therapy is the first choice of experts.The therapist assists the patient to identify the negative thoughts and beliefs which distort her behavior.For example if Rita (in the example above ),had introspected and realized that her forebodings were only a replay of her childhood insecurities and frustrations,she would have learned to be more confident and eased her anxiety step by step.

Exercise is extremely effective for eliminating anxiety.It burns off surplus nervous energy and stimulates the release of neurotransmitters,which makes you calmer.

Yoga and meditation also help to erase anxiety.

Medicines can regulate the neurotransmitters but this can also be achieved through exercise;and without any side effects too.

Elimination of GAD requires sustained efforts because by the time it is found out, it has already taken firm roots in the patient's psyche.However the rewards are well worth the labor.Enhanced peace of mind is the first fruit followed by restful sleep,better health and a confident state of mind.Once you have taken care of free floating anxiety,you are better equipped to face the problems which crop up from time to time :-).   

Image from google search.